A Journal Entry

I have had a hard time wanting to sit down and write. I have so many emotions and thoughts in my head, it's overwhelming and feels pretty jumbled.
It has been a very hard couple weeks. Josh is still hospitalized. It has been a week and a half. We transferred him to Huntsman's on Wednesday. The reason Josh is hospitalized is because he keeps getting high fevers. When he gets those fevers he also gets the shakes/chills. When a cancer patient is on chemo treatment they have very low immune system and so fevers usually mean infection. Even if they can't find the infection, with fevers they have to treat it like infection. They have ran LOTS of tests on Josh to try to figure out what's going on. MRI's, Cat Scans, blood cultures (like every 12-24 hours), ect.
Thursday night they decided to take Josh's appendix out. His blood pressure was really low and extremely high fever so they wanted to get him in that surgery asap, hoping that would solve the fever problem. They came and got him from the room at 9 PM and brought him back at 12:30 AM. He hadn't eaten since Tuesday because they told him not to in case he had to have surgery. When they brought him back in from surgery he was in a lot of pain. It just broke my heart. I had tears streaming down my face as I fed him ice chips and gave him sips of water and sprite. I convinced the Nurse to let him have some ice cream. That little bit of ice cream soothed his aching stomach a bit. That was was one of the hardest moments so far; listening to my husband in so much pain.  That was a long night. My parents and sister left the hospital at 3 in the morning and I stayed there. I didn't get much sleep. Either did Josh. Nurses and Doctors were in and out constantly checking his blood pressure and temperature.
Unfortunately, taking out Josh's appendix has not solved the fever problem. He is still getting temperatures. The next day after surgery, he was very weak. The doctor said he needed to get out of bed as much as he could handle, even though it would hurt. That morning, with my dad being there to steady him, we timed him to stand up for five minutes. That wasn't an easy five minutes for Josh, but he did it!
Later that day, my dad took him outside and Josh was able to walk for a little bit.

Josh has massive back pain. Through the MRI you can see he has tumors all through his spine.
He has high temperatures. The highest he has gotten to is 109. It usually sits between 102 and 107 ish (when he's fevering). He hasn't gone 24 hours without spiking a fever.
At this point in time, we still don't know what is causing the fevers.

There are so many details I have left out, but I don't have the energy to write or think about it all.

How blessed I am for the good people around me. Family and friends, I am so thankful. I have been deeply touched.